Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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