He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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