the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
