only you would photoshop your dick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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