Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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