I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
