watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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