so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
