She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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