My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
