3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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