I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
