I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
