Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
