In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and she was petting her beer can
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dicks are not precious.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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