Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize