mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
