just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
