You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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