there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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