Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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