new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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