I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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