Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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