please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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