I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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