so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
