i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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