wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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