That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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