There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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