i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
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I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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