some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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