You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
