Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
