Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
