Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
