All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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