Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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