guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
