Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
