As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
