I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
