Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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