k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
