you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
