his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
