she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
