I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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