I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
