If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
