I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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