I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
