so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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