Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
