batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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