I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
