On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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