all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
